Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Weak Stomach and Slabbery Lips

Don't mess with me about my spelling, sometimes Webster (bless him) just ain't got the word I need, so I make up one. No one knows what it means but it makes me feel better to fill in the space. Now to my title...

I like to eat healthy. Trouble is, it just don't taste all that good all the time. Someone once said, if it taste good, it is probably bad for you. That is true more and more as the years pass on you.

I'm not trying to gross out the ladies, but oysters have a really good taste to me. Maybe it was the squirrel brains that ruined my taste buds. I even like sardines but the smell is a little strong even for me and it lingers a long time. You need to eat those on a fishing trip when you ain't coming home for a week or two and in the dark so you don't have to look at them. Vienna sausage taste best on the creek bank after you've baited a few hooks. I hardly ever drink the juice, for sure if my wife is looking. Her and my doctor would both have cardiac arrest. Right after they told me a thing or two.

Now to the grocery store... Every time I walk by one of the jugs of pickled sausage, I get a craving. I don't know why, I never bought any. I know they would hurt my stomach but still I just have to rubberneck as we pass them. Babyback ribs almost jump into the cart when I pass but I manage to get that Omega-3 rich Salmon or flounder. I don't know if this good looking stuff, that I don't buy, is bad or not. They say it is and 'they' are a mystery to most of us.

We all know about ice cream including Eskimo Pies....dream, dream, dream. And cheese....dream, dream, dream.

Now peas and carrots, green leafs and stalks... you are really making my doctor happy now. Really, I know he lays awake at night wondering if I'm eating right. You can't fool me. He don't never charge me nothin' but grocery money (mine and his) to talk to me and since he has expensive taste (like most rich people), I understand why his minutes and seconds cost so much. Yea, he cares if I eat peas or porkchops!

Take those BBQ pig skins for example, I could eat a large bag of them and drain the salt out of the bottom into my mouth.

I wouldn't know a chicken liver if I got one in the mailbox. Those confounded blood test. They don't let you get away with nothing. Confounded ain't cussin' I hope. My daddy confounded a lot of stubborn critters on the farm and they done alright. So, I hope it is just an ordinary word. If it ain't, I take it back and give you doggone instead.

I thought I was doing good by eating soup instead of other stuff until my wife read the label to me. You guessed it...sodium and some other stuff that sounds bad.

That's how I see it. I have no conclusion which makes reading this awkward. Sorry...

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