Monday, March 9, 2009

Working on the Car

First thing, get your whole tool box, if you just bring a couple of tools to the job, they will be the wrong ones. If you walk back to the shed and swap those two they will be the wrong ones. Most likely, when you figure out what you need, you will remember that someone borrowed it and did not return it. Or it was left around the house near where it was used last.

Second, get a book on you make car and prop up in the recliner with something like coffee or tea to drink and read what they tell you about the part. Try the index, the the table of contents, then just read the whole thing and you may finally find your project. The owners manual may have some helpful information. Next call a friend or family member and get their version. Tell them No, you don't think it is the timing.

Third, now you are ready to open the hood or look in the general area of where the problem is located. Look at the new part and any paperwork it might have. By looking at the part you can see what it looks like. Logical. Then you can inspect the car from one end to the other until you find a part like the new one you bought. Drive to town or ask the neighbor for a tool to take the old one off and put the new one on.

Fourth, get greasy and bang your hands and elbows. Don't forget to bang your head on the hood. Now, try to get into the house to get something to wipe your hands without getting the door and sink dirty. You are ready to start removing the old part.

Fifth, have another vehicle near by so you can send someone to the parts place to swap the new part because they gave you the wrong one. Wait in the yard and try to keep your dirty hands off everything until they get back. Answer the phone, somehow, for they will call with a question. What kind of tires does the car have? What color is it? What is your social security number? Did you serve in the war?

Sixth, get a stick to scratch that itch where the insect bit you, sweat, wait. The new part gets there. 'Oh, it was two dollars more than the other one.' Try again to get the old part off with vise grips because no one had the tool you needed. Strip the bolt (round it off). Give up, clean up and explain to everyone why your efforts did not work. Do not take the blame. Deflect to manufacturer, engineers, etc.

Seventh, pay a mechanic to do the job. Pay ten times what it would have cost if you did it yourself. Be advised they will find other problems which must be repaired. Pay the bill. Forget what ever it was you intended to use the money for. Watch TV.

Chasing a Cow.

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